At Young Rider Camp one of our Area VII Young Riders asked Jennie Brannigan how she handles failures in this sport and lifestyle. Jennie talked about how you have to find a support system that works for you, surround yourself with people that will push you to be the best but also how you need to find coping mechanisms that work for you personally. She ended the talk with- that is the best question of the night. Everyone always wants to know about the successes and almost everyone has more failures than successes but you never hear about them. In this era of social media, we only get to see what people post and honestly- it is way more fun and rewarding to post about the success rather than the failure.
I do not consider my broken femur a failure. It has to be a lesson- I haven’t quite figured out what the lesson in this is yet, but I am determined to find the good, refine my program and come back better then ever. Not saying that is going to be easy, but without that outlook I would be drowning in my self-pity and frustration.
My event season 2025 was all systems moving in the right direction- I have refined my support team, was getting great help for a couple of well-respected professionals, had tuned out a lot of noise and the horses were better for it! Mistral (Rolo) finished 3rd at two back to back 2-S, HSH Cellesto (Cornflakes) jumped around the 2-L at Twin rivers and HSH Bold Decision (Armani) felt amazing in the 3-S at Twin finishing 8th but more importantly showing that the winter homework was starting to pay off. We continued on into the Area VII season with Rolo successfully moving up to Intermediate at Spring Spokane and Cornflakes getting his AEC qualification at EI. All 3 boys had personal bests across the board at Spring Aspen- 4th for Armani in the 3-S, 3rd for Rolo and 9th for Cornflakes in the 2-s. Each horse had 3 good phases, the best moment was finishing dressage day with 3 horses with PB scores across the FEI divisions. All 3 boys were qualified for the AEC’s and we were looking towards helping them peak at Rebecca for the Long format.
Until July 11th when best laid plans came crashing down when I came off XC schooling. I was a lawn dart but managed to protect my head, neck and back by tucking and starting to roll. Unfortunately my legs didn’t roll and my femur smashed into the 4×4 that lines the ditch. Laying on the ground I knew I was broken. The emotions of everything coming to a screeching halt as I laid there with a broken femur were a lot.
All I could think about as I was laying on the ground was how I had failed my 3 horses who have been stepping up to the plate every day to put in the work. I was helping them peak just in time for the best event of the summer and I was the weak link. One minute I was riding the highs of heading into a big competition feeling absolutely prepared and then I am laying on the ground, in pain, looking at those around me feeling like an utter failure.
That feeling is why I have chosen to write this blog and be transparent about the rehab journey I have in front of me. I know I am not the only one that feels these lows, as I am not the only one that experiences these lows. I do find that way more people share the highs, which makes the lows seem lower so I want to be transparent about my journey back to the top of my game. I will get there. I will make it happen, even though right now I feel emotionally broken, sad and frankly in a lot of physical pain. I broke my collarbone when I was 16 and was back in the saddle in 5 weeks. I had a rough pregnancy and labor and rode 9 days postpartum- it was more normal for my body to be in the saddle then out of the saddle. Even when I injured my hip in 2017 I was back in the tack 2 ½ weeks in. 10 weeks of non-weight bearing and relying on others for day-to-day tasks is daunting, which adds to the emotional trauma going on. Very simple tasks are no longer simple. Rehab is going to be long and complicated. Every day my job is to move my leg as much as possible without pain, which is ironic since as a baseline I am in pain. But I refuse to give in to the mental demons knocking on the door and want to share my journey with all of you.
I had an official tell me last year that I am very well known and influence a lot of Young Riders- well if that is true I hope you will follow along for this journey of crashing to what has to be the lowest point of my career as I claw my way back to the peak performance. These first two weeks have already been brutal physically and mentally and there is lots more to come.
The Actual Injury
The best description of the fall was that I became a human lawn dart when he wheeled away from the ditch and man did he wheel fast! We had already jumped quite a bit including much harder questions then where I came off- had jumped well coming in and before I knew what was happening, I went right and he went left. Muscle memory from participating in the LandSafe clinics had me protecting my head and neck, but unfortunately, I didn’t get my legs tucked and out of the way, so my femur slammed into the wood that lines the ditch. That sound is not a sound I will forget.
First thought through my mind as I was laying there knowing something was really wrong with my leg was that it was going to be a long time before I was strong enough to drive my truck and Mark was going to have to drive me and the horses around…… (My truck is a manual and I had just injured my clutch leg.) Second thought was all my careful preparation for Rebecca Farm and the 3 boys for a summer FEI had just gone out the window. That was the most depressing thought- best week all year, we were ready and I had fallen short.
Fast forward a few hours- some pain meds, an ambulance ride to the ER and a few x-rays later- my left femur was broken. “Unstable significant break in the bodies largest bone” was what the doctor kept saying. Surgery, non-weight bearing 10 weeks, lots of PT, screws, plates, rehab center, 6m-1y rehab was what was being said by the medical team and all I heard was no riding, no horseshows, no driving, no sense of normalcy, no driving, no cross country, no freedom to even take Carter to sports or activities!
Surgery was scheduled for Saturday afternoon and frankly that first 24hrs waiting on the surgery was pretty brutal, since the break was large and unstable. It did make me laugh when the nurses put a fall risk bracelet on me- I am pretty determined but even I wasn’t going to try to get out of bed! Mark was at home when it happened and came up to get the horses and truck home. I am very thankful for the group that pitched in to help- I was at Polestar for the Ian Stark clinic with 3 horses, had been traveling for almost a week and now I had a broken leg. My brother Marc schooled both Cornflakes and Rolo later that afternoon with Ian, Meika and Allyson helped get things sorted so My Mark could get everything home. I am not even sure who helped care for the horses, but they were taken care of.
While my crew was traveling to Rebecca Farm, I was recovering from surgery. The Surgeon commented how it all went back together “perfectly” but it was still a major surgery. Between pain meds and surgery, it was Sunday afternoon before I was coherent again and even then, I was tired. Couldn’t shake this feeling of being in a fog, yet I was determined to get out of bed. I still had it in my mind that Mark was driving me to Rebecca Farm, but I needed to be able to get up and around. After enough persistence, the physical therapist finally came in to help me out of bed. It came as quite a shock when I was too whoozy to stand- I have always been tough, strong and almost invincible yet I was too weak to even stand at this point. 3 tries that evening and I just couldn’t do it. All I could think about was how am I going to travel to Rebecca if I couldn’t even get out of bed?
You don’t really think about all the things you do until you can’t do them. Frankly I was not very nice about all the changes in travel plans, who was hauling who, and all the details about Rebecca Farm- Mark, Kendra and the crew took matters into their own hands and made it happen without me. Hindsight tells me it was the right choice, but man I wasn’t very nice about it in the moment! Having choices taken from you and not being able to do anything about it is terrible. Luckily, they all just ignored me and went about what they were doing anyway. Lesson there- build a strong team around you. Make them independent. Strongest reflection is when they can operate without you in the face of a crisis.
That first week
Monday brought more strength and a bit more clarity. I was insistent to the nurses I was going home that day. Everyone just smiled and nodded at me. I was getting really impatient and antsy. Pain was tolerable but the bed was not. PT didn’t come by again till after lunch. When he finally did, my attempts to stand were much better, though still exhausting. In all my years, I have never gotten tired just standing up. Well a fall complete with a broken femur that resulted in a major surgery, 2 plates and 14 screws apparently knocked me on my ass which was quite depressing. Pictures started rolling in of everyone’s arrival at Rebecca which made the emotions worse. I have struggled through rough times with horses, been side lined for short bits, been injured and struggled through adult life choices while chasing goals in this sport, but this was the first time in my career I came crashing down from a personal best peak to one of the lowest points of my career.